Day 41 and Beyond

A Fasted Journey for Spiritual Renewal

“Remember this and stand firm, recall it to mind, you transgressors, remember the former things of old; for I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me, declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, ‘My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose,’ calling a bird of prey from the east, the man of my counsel from a far country. I have spoken, and I will bring it to pass; I have purposed, and I will do it.” -Isaiah 46:8-11

Where do we go from here? I don’t know. I often wonder that. I have often wondered that at various times throughout my life, as I imagine most people have. My fast came to an end on May 10, 2024. Near the end of the fast I began wondering, “now what?” I still wonder that. I don’t know what the future holds for me or my family. I do wonder about that often enough. Now that my fasting journal has come to an end, I find myself wondering again about where it will lead.

I don’t know the answer. The point of the passage above is to drive home God’s sovereignty. I don’t know what His purposes are, but I do know that He will accomplish them. Before the foundation of the earth He knew that these words would be written. In the grand scheme of things they are insignificant, as was my fast. Nonetheless, they serve some purpose. Anything we do, everything we do, all that happens, works towards the accomplishment of all His purpose.

His purpose is beyond any of our comprehension. In part, James 4:14 says, “What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.” That’s true of all of us. From the “greatest” to the “least,” and has always been true. Currently, this Substack has 730 subscribers. I am grateful for each one. In the last forty days I have been given at least one “unsubscribed” notification each day. Each time I saw that I was struck with disappointment. Why? My own sin; my own “boastful pride of life.” In the last forty days the open rate of emails has been 34%. That too has been disappointing to me. I’d have liked it to be 100% of course.

Even those insignificant numbers were ordained “from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done.” They are done now. But what will come? Again, I don’t know. Still, I am grateful for anyone reading this. There have been some of you who have been very engaged and reading every day, or most days at least. That is humbling to me. As much as it is my own sinful pride to have wanted a 100% open rate, each one of you who has read has been humbling. Quite the dichotomy. Quite the revealing of the good that has come from this endeavor, as well as the revealing of the strides I still need to take to become the man I am supposed to be. I mentioned in one of the last posts. The quote from James Coates about not yet being who I am supposed to be.

I know some of you wondered about other aspects of this fast than what I have provided in these entries. Completely understandable. During the fasting period I was struck with the need to address fasting from a biblical perspective more than anything. Mostly, that was due to the lack of the church addressing the topic. Although only 330 of you or so regularly tuned in, that too was known “from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done.” I pray that each of you took something useful from these entries.

Near the end of the fast I found myself becoming anxious about it. Not anxious about finally eating again, but anxious about the fast ending and wondering what the next step would be. I can’t say I know the answer to that still. I do know that fasting will continue to be part of my life. For faith reasons as well as for health reasons. I am still stunned that I fasted, consuming only water, for forty days and forty nights. I still don’t recommend that you do it. I still do recommend that you seek out your own heart and arrive at your own conclusion on what fasting may look like for you. I also hope that these entries have helped you learn about fasting from a biblical perspective.

I was texting with one of my brothers the other day and told him that I was feeling anxious lately. Of course there are other things at play there, like with the fbi, the suspension, the lawsuit, the evildoers in government who continue to retaliate against me and other whistleblowers. But, I also told him I was even anxious about the 40 days of posts coming to an end and how it seems like I barely remember the fast itself at this point.

He told me not stress about the things of this world because Jesus already overcame the world. Amen. Although he didn’t say it, I know this part of his response was derived from John 16:33 where Jesus tells his disciples, “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

He also told me the fast itself isn’t “meant to change your life forever, but refocus you on the Lord, not the belly or things of this world. Which I would say it did.” I think so too. The dependence, reliance and refocus that came with the fast was truly profound. It is difficult to put into words. I don’t think I’ll do a 40 day fast any time soon. I actually don’t think I’ll do it ever again, but who knows. There have been many things, especially in the last two years or so that I didn’t think I’d do or have to endure. Even those things have been ordained by God. Sometimes that is a struggle, but in reality, and when I am in proper understanding, it brings me peace even though some of those things have been the most difficult things I’ve ever encountered; even more difficult than deployments to Iraq and Afghanistan as an infantryman.

Matthew 10:29-31 says, “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.” Think of that for a moment. Sparrows, a cheap bird, at least in the eyes of man, will not die less for God ordaining it. Furthermore, our hair, something each of us lose strands of each day are all known by God.

Likewise Daniel 2:21-22 says, “He changes times and seasons; he removes kings and sets up kings; he gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to those who have understanding; he reveals deep and hidden things; he knows what is in the darkness, and the light dwells with him.” Whether it is something insignificant (to man) like a sparrow dying or how many hairs are on our head, or if it is something significant (to man) like who the king, or president is, or how the seasons change, God has ordained it. There is tremendous peace in that. Whether it is a family member dying, or even how or when you cut your hair, ALL has been divinely ordained.

Some have you thought that my fasting journal would have focused on more pragmatic elements of what a 40 day fast looks like. I am glad that I focused on the biblical aspects of fasting during that time, but also hold some regret and responsibility in not providing some of those other realistic aspects of it. I’ll try to recap some of that now.

I lost 63 pounds. I still have more to lose. Heck, I’ve gained some of that back already. Some of that was to be expected since my digestive organs essentially shut off during that time since they weren’t being used. If you fast for 7 days or longer, this is something you must be aware of. Coming out of your fast properly will be paramount to a healthy rebound into eating again. I listed a few resources in the first post about that.

I have asthma, and have had asthma for most of my life; since I was 5 or so. My asthma is pretty severe. I did nebulizer treatments 4 times a day until high school. I’ve been on inhalers since then. During this fast my asthma symptoms disappeared. I wondered if it was cured. Shortly after I started eating again, I realized that wasn’t the case. I don’t know what to attribute that to specifically, but clearly it must have something to do with diet.

I also slept better than I recall ever sleeping. I was legitimately tired each night, and just like, “yeah I’m tired.” But, tired! I fell asleep faster than I ever recall and woke up more rested than I ever recall. That too has gone away.

I peed a lot more. This probably makes sense since I was only ingesting water. I was probably drinking a gallon a day on average. I still cooked meals and sat with my family at meal time. Some may think this was difficult, but it really wasn’t. It was like anything else in life. Once you make a decision that you truly mean, you stick to it.

The first 2 days were probably the hardest, at least until the end. Day two I had a crushing headache. After that, mental clarity began to kick in. For most of the fast, I was more mentally clear than I recall being in a really long time. Maybe ever. That clarity helped with my focus. It also helped with my prayer and time in God’s word. Prayer was especially crucial. 1 Thessalonians 5:17 says to, “pray without ceasing.” I’ve always wondered what that was truly like. I can’t say that I arrived there still, but I’ve grown closer to understanding what that is and what that means from a practical perspective. I found myself praying far more than ever before. It wasn’t just about hunger or the fast either, but all sorts of things from hunger to repenting on behalf of our wicked nation and government, and all sorts of things in between.

I still worked out most of the time. In the last 2 years or so my workouts have drastically decreased, or all out ceased during much of that time. But, during my fast I remained committed to continuing to workout. I found that I cramped less and my soreness also decreased. My work capacity also increased. I know modern science will tell you “that isn’t possible,” yet, that is what happened with me.

I donated blood during the fast. One of their pre-questions was if I had eaten that day. I told them that I was fasting that day, which was true, but I had been fasting for at least two weeks by then. Still, they let me donate blood and I did the “power red donation.” I did wonder how I would fair after that, and thought if there were any issues, I would end the fast. But, I had no adverse issues and was able to carry on. (I don’t recommend that you do this if you fast.)

The last ten days are when things started to get hard. I don’t know if that is because the end was in sight, or if there were true physical things happening, but it was a struggle. It did cause me to cling to Christ even more though, which I consider a benefit. Especially at night things became hard though. I was getting a different type of stomach ache. Is different that just hunger. It was more painful and I ended up going to bed earlier than usual. Perhaps it was also because of dehydration since I was drinking less by then. I don’t truly know the reasons, but no doubt not eating for 30-40 days played a role.

Lastly, my fasting wasn’t just me and God. It was a commitment from my family too. My daughters probably don’t understand it still, but they knew I was doing it, at least the oldest three. I don’t know what it meant for them or what it will mean for them in the future, if anything, but it still took a commitment from them too. Mostly, it took a commitment from Heidi, my wife. She knew how important it was for me to continue on, especially once I was getting deeper into it and the “goal” of 40 days was in sight.

In a weird way I long for the fast again. I think I can mostly attribute that to longing for the past again. Other examples of longing for the past in my life include other unique times of my life. I long for the time I spent in the Army, especially my deployment to Iraq which stands out as one of the best times of my life; only those who were there will understand. I long for my life before I was hired by the fbi. I long for my life before my parents divorced. I think humans have a tendency to look back and think about times we think were “good.” It’s wrong, and perhaps even sinful. I think definitely sinful in my case from time to time.

We can look back to what we think were better times, but we are not able to look forward to what is yet to come. The future will hold good and bad times, just as the past did. All of those things are ordained by God. Isaiah 45:7 says, “I form light and create darkness; I make well-being and create calamity; I am the Lord, who does all these things.” God makes well-being and creates calamity. It is He who does all these things. Past. Present. And future. We can have peace in that. Why? How? I don’t necessarily know the answers, other than to say for your good and for His glory.

Hold the line.

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Postscript

If there is something I haven’t addressed that you were wondering about, please post a comment and ask so it can be answered for any who read. If you have the question, there is a high likelihood that someone else does too. If you aren’t comfortable with that, message me on Substack or send me an email and I will answer what I can. For all of you, the remnant, who have made it this far, thank you. Truly. The idea that anyone would ever read my words or think that they have any meaning remains stunning to me. Yet, God has ordained that too. My prayer is that He only uses me for His will, and that is my prayer for you too.

-GOB

I am not a medical professional. This journal is about my spiritual path and about that which the Lord has placed on me. This is not medical advice, nor was this fast done for any medical purpose. If you have a medical interest, seek medical advice. If you have particular health concerns, seek medical advice and/or conduct your own research. Any fasting advice, effects, realizations or anything else related to my fast come from my personal reflection and experience. If you are considering fasting, consulting with a healthcare provider may be appropriate for you.