Hoops, Heart, and Hope
Life Lessons Beyond the Game
“‘As iron sharpens iron, so does one man sharpen, another.’ We are a team! If we don’t act like a team, or play like a team, we won’t win as a team.” Coach Weso’s words (or those to this effect) have stuck with me over the twenty three years since I first heard them. Coach Weso told me during my sophomore year of high school that as long as he had coached, he only ever had this verse, Proverbs 27:17, as his team verse, or motto. As iron sharpens iron, so does one man sharpen another.
That verse is something that has stuck with me ever since then. It has been important to my life over many different seasons. Not just seasons of basketball, but seasons of life. In fact, that sophomore season, would end up being my last on the basketball court. I wouldn’t have imagined it then, but in short order I changed high schools, my father walked out on my family, and I didn’t pick up a ball in an officially competitive sense ever again after that year’s summer league.
I didn’t realize how much I missed basketball, and how much it has meant to my life until recently. In January, my oldest daughter, Gwen, was eager to play basketball even though she never has before. We signed her up through a local church who partners with a national non-profit who’s goal is to promote the discovery of Jesus through sports. It’s a program we have done sports through before in Kansas, but had not yet done basketball because of lack of interest from the girls.
As I had done when our girls wanted to play soccer, I signed up to be “the coach.” Gwen is 9 and therefore fell into the 1st-3rd grade bracket. Being one of the tallest girls in the league, and her excitement to play, I was looking forward to the season. I stopped playing soccer in 4th or 5th grade, but basketball dominated much of the life of my brothers and I, especially that of my older brother and me for years to come.
What I look back on now, especially with the view that only hindsight can provide, is how many of the basic principles of basketball have applied throughout my life. Principles like discipline, teamwork, effort, building relationships, leadership, determination, having fun yet knowing when to be serious, emotional control, and others all play a role in the game as well as in life. I’ve never really taken the time to reflect back on how basketball and learning principles such as these impacted me.
I was able to do that this year. I think the approach of being a coach instead of a player assisted in that reflection. I also think that the way I have grown over the years between when I last played and now helped with this newfound reflection too. Certainly different “team” experiences and new disciplines such as those learned in the Army and on deployments to Afghanistan and Iraq or on an fbi SWAT team have been integral as well.
Last Saturday was Gwen’s final game. Leading up to the final game, and certainly in the last week, I have found myself thinking about Gwen and her teammates. How they are just starting out in basketball, and in many ways in life. They will have moments of heartache and triumph, on the court (if they continue to play) and off the court just in life. It has been on incredible and impactful handful of weeks. The progress each girl made throughout the season was awesome to see. Of course they all have a lot of work ahead of them if they want to pursue basketball, but this is the same with the pursuits of anything in life. The hardwood is a good place to bottle up many of the skills needed to get through life.
In the last couple of months, Gwen’s sisters, Iris, Paige, and Lucy have also fostered an interest in basketball. Both Iris and Paige want to play now too and we have begun working on basic dribbling and passing in the driveway since last weekend. As a dad, it’s exciting to see the budding interest and curiosity to something that truly has meant a great deal to me during my life, even if that meaning has morphed over time. The jury is still out on Lucy though. She can almost say “basketball” correctly, but she seems far more interested in the ring pops that they would get at the concession stand each week, or maybe even more so with the unicorn mascot that showed up only one time yet that she still brings up and in her toddler speech says “ooni core. backet ball. scare me.” 😂
One statement I made to the team probably a hundred times over the season, and already to my other daughters since, was “don’t be afraid of the ball.” Whether it was passing drills, rebounding, or a loose ball, most of the girls seemed to be afraid of it if it was coming at them. I tried to teach them not to flinch away in fear, but to step towards and grab the ball with power. Don’t move out of the way of the ball, move into the ball’s way. It’s YOUR ball. Get your ball, make it your team’s ball, and get it into the basket.
I mentioned in the second part of the Magneto (part 2) series that, “like in Bonhoeffer’s day, many embraced the culture instead of boldly standing for biblical truth. Why? I don’t know the extent of the answer, but, and you won’t be surprised, I think the beginning of it is fear and the end of it cowardice. There are all sorts of other factors that vary in degree in between, but fear and cowardice are what it comes down to.”
As the season progressed, it became clear that fear was a driving factor for the girls. Fear of getting hit in the face with the ball. Fear of passing it to the other team. Fear of missing a shot. Fear of not being liked by the other girls on the team. Fear of the coach correcting them. Fear of losing. Fear is an innately human characteristic. Fear is something we all have experienced at some point in our lives. It comes in varying shapes and sizes.
The above clip is a trailer for a documentary about the Milwaukee Bucks biggest star since Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Giannis Antetokounmpo. Like with the X-Men movies, as mentioned in the Magneto (part 1) series, my wife and I put Giannis: The Marvelous Journey on a few weeks ago as something less serious to watch and briefly disconnect from the typical things of the day like talking with lawyers, doing podcasts, raising four children and helping with two others, and yes, even being filled with our own anxiety or fear.
What we found however, was an extremely well done and captivating documentary. We thought it was just going to be about a basketball story. It was far more. It was a story about life. It was a story about family and hardship. It was a story about the journey, not the destination. It was a story about overcoming overwhelming odds. It was a story about fear. At one point in the documentary, Giannis says, “the difference between a coward and a hero is how you deal with fear.” Damn. A simple, concise statement that hit me like a ton of bricks.
It made me question how I have dealt with fear and how I will deal with it in the future. When I was a kid and playing organized basketball, I almost always got butterflies in my stomach before the game. I don’t think I ever told anyone that or asked a coach how to deal with it. It was just something I figured out on my own. It was also something I grew to expect. But, I also grew to expect that they would go away once the ball was tipped off.
The last game of my freshman year was no different. I went to a small private school back then, but this final game was against a nearby government school that was much larger. Before heading out onto the court, our coach came in the locker room and told us that he just got done talking to the other team’s coach. He said that their coach told him that they “were undefeated that year so tell your guys that if they put up a fight they will have done better than most.” The butterflies evaporated in that moment and they turned to indigence.
Although we weren’t undefeated, we had a pretty good team. We had worked hard all year and bonded together as a team. I remember being extremely put off by the arrogance that this coach would dare display before the game even started. It kindled another level of determination in me, and I believe, most of the guys on the team. With less than a minute left in regulation, we had the ball, but were down by one. With around 35 seconds left, I came to the top of the key, caught a pass and saw that my defender was too far back. I shot and drained a 3 pointer to put us up by two. But, instead of cheering and pridefully taunting the coach or anyone else, we immediately went into a full court press with a half court trap built in. Our opponents crumbled. I don’t even remember them getting another shot off, but if they did, they didn’t make it and we won.
I remember seeing the look of disbelief on all of their faces and the joy and sense of accomplishment on that of my team. We overcame the odds. We overcome the arrogance. We overcame our own shortcomings. We were able to win because we played together as a team. I didn’t play a great game that day to be honest. I missed more shots than I took. I didn’t score all the points or grab all the rebounds or make all the assists or steals. Even when someone plays their best game, they won’t be able to do it all. You have to play as a team. Your individual stats are meaningless if all you do is lose. This principle is perhaps the most profound I learned from basketball. It would serve me well in the future.
Similar to the butterflies I felt during pre-game on the basketball court, I often would get butterflies in my stomach before going on patrols in Iraq and Afghanistan. Like at tip-off, those butterflies too would evaporate once we left the wire. The stakes we faced during this “game” were far greater than any faced ever on a basketball court. Nonetheless, those early lessons on the court regarding teamwork, accountability, discipline, and others were more vital than ever before.
Certainly these principles, and others, were reinforced during Army infantry training and then life as a soldier. But, the seeds were planted as a young basketball player. When I was in Afghanistan we lived in a relatively remote area of East Paktika. We had a FOB (Forward Operating Base Tillman) and a COP (Combat Outpost Munoz) which fell to our company’s ownership. Everything we received was brought in by air. Water, food, ammunition, batteries, mail. It all came via helicopter or Chinook.
During a stint at our COP we were do to receive a shipment. As an NCO (non-commissioned officer) I was tasked with taking a handful of soldiers up to the flight line to retrieve whatever goods we were receiving that day. It was about this time of year. We had had a long, cold, quiet winter. Early March saw the end of that and the beginning of what we called “fighting season.” As we headed up to the flight line as the aircraft was approaching, I popped a smoke grenade so the pilot and crew chief could get a wind direction for landing.
But, as we walked up to the flight line we started taking incoming fire. We waved off the bird which had just about landed and I called in to our TOC (tactical operations center) notifying them that we had troops in contact (TIC). We couldn’t immediately ascertain what direction it was coming from. Nonetheless, and within minutes of me notifying them of a TIC, the two guys in the picture above, who were also squad leaders in my company and good friends of mine, came bolting out of the COP and up to the flight line.
They didn’t bring any other soldiers with them. They just threw on their kit and came out as soon as they could. They sprinted up as soon as they could and came into our Hesco barrier enclosed area. They didn’t have to do this. I had a contingent of other infantryman with me. We were all right, even if we were taking fire. Yet they did it anyways. These guys had been in firefights before. They knew the risks. They took them anyways.
“The difference between a coward and a hero is how you deal with fear.” They knew the fear that comes with doing something like that. Yet, they also knew that their friend, no, their brother, and other soldiers were up there and they knew that they could help. They knew that more numbers would be a benefit to our cause and raise the chances of everyone making it back inside the wire safely. They sacrificed themselves for the betterment of the team. The suppressed their fear in order to do what they thought was right. They dealt with their fear as very few on this earth would. “The difference between a coward and a hero is how you deal with fear.”
One of our favorite places to play basketball growing up was Holler Park. It’s close to Mitchell International Airport and where I grew up in Milwaukee. We didn’t get out there as much as we wanted, opting instead for the nearby park that was in walking distance or going to the YMCA. But, one occasion still stands out in my mind. My two brothers and I, and our cousin, went to Holler to play some ball. No one was there when we arrived so we played a game or two, or maybe even three of 21.
Then we opted to play some two on two. My cousin is a few years older than us and someone I always looked up to. I think all three of us did. He and I are about the same height, floating right around 6’2”. My older brother is about 6’5” and my twin 6’4”. Most of the basketball I ever played in my life was against my brothers. As the short guy, I was forced to develop in different ways in order to stay competitive and sometimes win. Mostly this resulted in hustle. I simply developed a different drive than they had, or eagerness for the ball and then worked hard to score points because of the height disadvantage.
I’m not saying they didn’t work hard either, but I think it would be fair to say that I would tap in to a different level of deepness when we were just playing each other because I didn’t think I’d have any other chance at winning. On this particular day we decided that my cousin and I would play my brothers. There was no doubt we were outmatched just because of the size difference. Not to mention, my older brother was always the best player out of all of us. I don’t think anyone had any doubts about that. He had a natural talent and understanding of the game that coincided with his own drive to improve.
Nonetheless, my cousin and I were determined. We knew we were outmatched and therefore had to work all the harder if we wanted a chance to win. And win we did. I don’t remember how many games we played, but we won them all. Both of us just tapped into that ‘nother level of discipline and teamwork because we knew there was no other way. There was no selfishness. There was no ball hogging. There was effort stacked upon effort. Both defensively and offensively. There was no other way. I don’t know if any of them remember this, but it stands out as one of my favorite times together with them.
Some of the principles I have touched on, or even just mentioned, so far have only continued to serve me well. When I first began even considering whistleblowing to Congress, those same pre-tip off butterflies returned. But, I knew it must be done. “Here am I, send me.” (Isaiah 6:8) Eventually those butterflies disappeared altogether and perhaps I even grew complacent, as I had after the long quiet winter in Afghanistan.
When I least expected it, during a transfer half the country away, I was suspended. I wasn’t suspended for whistleblowing of course, because that would be illegal. I was suspended for an allegation that I had made unprotected disclosures to the media. That was false from the start, which I later learned the fbi knew I had not made unprotected disclosures, but even believed I had been making protected disclosures to Congress. It didn’t stop them though.
From day one at the fbi academy in Quantico they tell you that you are part of a team. Part of a family even. That they will take care of you and you will take care of each other. That is a complete farce of course, as I have learned. Yet, I have also learned, that there were a few brave souls who where also making protected disclosures around the same time as me. If you’ve followed here for some time, or maybe even know from other outlets, there are a handful of other fbi whistleblowers.
There’s Marcus Allen and Steve Friend whom I testified with nearly two years ago now. Marcus was completely vindicated last year and testified again in powerful fashion. Steve and I do a podcast together called The American Radicals Podcast three times a week. There’s Phil Kennedy who was one of the first canary’s of fbi abuses. There’s the “Trump Questionnaire” whistleblowers, one of whom is still suspended and the other who took a partial retirement after years of retaliation. There are a small handful of others who are not known publicly. Then, there’s Kyle Seraphin who in many ways has been the standard bearer for all of us and who daily grinds to keep The Suspendables relevant.
The picture above is from the premier of Dinesh D'Souza’s Police State. That was in November of 2023. It is now March of 2025. I have known Kyle since 2021. It is beyond absurd that retaliation continues against any whistleblower, but as Kyle and I discussed last night, it is entirely wild what we all have been through over these years. I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know that The Suspendables have built a team unlike any other I have ever been a part of.
Likewise, I don’t know what paths await Gwen, her teammates, or her sisters. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.” Whether it is as a coach, a mentor, or a father, I can strive to start children off on the way they should go. Especially as a dad, I sometimes fear what lies ahead for my daughters. I know they will face hardship. I just don’t know what kind. I know they will face disappointment. I just don’t know how it will manifest itself in their lives. I know they won’t always agree or get along with every teammate. But I will strive to train them up in knowing that they cannot do it alone and that almost everything in life requires a team to see them through.
2 Timothy 1:7 says, “for God did not give us a spirit of cowardice, but rather a spirit of power and of love and of self-discipline.” As true as these tenets are for basketball, “don’t be afraid of the ball, but step towards it and grab it with power,” they are far more true in life. We need to love our “teammates” with truth and with lack of fear like the men who ran out onto the flight line did for me. And in all things, we must be self-disciplined.
Of this verse, my study bible notes, “the Greek word [for ‘spirit of fear’] denotes a cowardly, shameful fear caused by a weak, selfish character. The threat of Roman persecution, which was escalating under Nero, the hostility of those in the Ephesian church who resented Timothy’s leadership, and the assaults of false teachers with their sophisticated systems of deceptions may have been overwhelming Timothy. But if he was fearful, it didn’t come from God. Positively, God has already given believers all the spiritual resources they need for every trial and threat.
“Divine power- effective, productive spiritual energy belongs to believers. This kind of love centers on pleasing God and seeking others’ welfare before one’s own. Self-control refers to a self controlled and properly prioritized mind. This is the opposite of fear and cowardice that cause disorder and confusion. Focusing on the sovereign nature and perfect purposes of our eternal God allows believers to control their lives with godly wisdom and confidence in every situation.”
When broken down like this it seems like a basic, simple, principle. Yet, as with the basics of basketball, like a chest pass or simple defensive scheme, time, effort, the self-discipline mentioned, practice, repetition, and teamwork all play a role. We want to naturally lean into our fear, our cowardice, and make excuses as to why we cannot master the basics or even simply do the right thing. These are all simple principles to understand, but not easy to implement. If you are a Believer, you have even less of an excuse to fall back on your humanness since you already have a spirit of power and not one of fear. This verse has been so consequential and so powerful for me in the last two and a half years that I even made a tee shirt to encapsulate it.
I am beyond grateful for the life lessons that the game of basketball has taught me. Until recently, I never realized the importance and foundation that these principles had in the game. I am also grateful for the people in my life, inside and outside of basketball, who demonstrated the fortitude to overcome their fear. They are all heroes in my book. “The difference between a coward and a hero is how you deal with fear.”
Got Your 6 Brother In Christ. Amen 🙏
Well-written - I love how you bring family, sports, the suspendables, fear, faith and courage together and as always, tied to scripture. I also enjoy the American radicals podcast - of which i am a faithful listener - the knowledge, info and jokes shared are awesome, but here again, I especially love your wisdom and Bible/scripture wrap up.
Not sure if this is the appropriate place to ask, but is the givesendgo set up by kathy keller the best place for direct donations for your family? Your daughters are blessed to have such a gentle giant of a godly man as their dad.