Day 15 - Psalm 69:10

A Fasted Journey for Spiritual Renewal

Day 15

“When I wept and humbled my soul with fasting, it became my reproach.” -Psalm 69:10

The title to Psalm 69 in my bible says, “Save Me, O God.” What a fitting phrase that has been for me in the last 20 months or so. My commentary notes that verses 1-4 regard how David’s enemies hated him without a cause. This too seems to ring true for me these days. There are people like retired Supervisory Special Agent Sean Clark and acting Unit Chief Dena Perkins who in every sense of the word are my enemies. If you’ve been following the Substack for a while, you may remember this post from back in November 2023.

His Name is Sean Clark

I never knew or even met either of these fbi employees. Yet they decided I was their enemy because why? Is it because I had already been vocal about my faith and where I stood when I submitted a 16 page document explaining my beliefs (something I still attest as being in violation of Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964)? Is it because I was making protected disclosures to Congress? Is it for some other reason, or a combination of them? I may never know; and that’s all right. There are others too. Inside the fbi and out. Even elected representatives like Jerry Nadler and Stacey Plaskett who maliciously referred me to The Ministry of Justice (aka DOJ) for criminal prosecution a couple weeks after I had testified. Why? I may never know that either. This too is all right.

My study bible says, “This psalm is a prayer of desperation. David realizes that because he is hated by others, he may shortly be killed. Though he begs for rescue, and calls down curses on his enemies, he concludes the psalm with a high note of praise, with inferences concerning the coming messianic kingdom when all enemies of God’s people are dealt with swiftly and severely (cf. Rev. 2:27). Much of this psalm was applied to Christ by the NT writers. This psalm expresses the feelings of any believer who is being horribly ridiculed, but it uniquely refers to Christ.”

In verse 3 of Psalm 69, David laments, “I am weary with my crying out; my throat is parched. My eyes grow dim with waiting for my God.” He goes on noting that his enemies are too great to even count and that they are “those who hate me without cause; mighty are those who would destroy me. Those who attack me with lies.” These words simply ring true. In the aftermath of being suspended, I began reading at least one Psalm a day. I can’t say that I specifically remember reading this Psalm, although I believe it likely that I did since I often returned to the imprecatory Psalms. Nonetheless, this Psalm 69 rings as true to me now as it did 18 months or so ago when I started reading one a day.

The next section of the Psalm shows David’s zealousness for God. I doubt that I am as zealous as David, and even as under as much oppression from my enemies as he was, yet nonetheless I strive to have this type of zeal. This section is also where we see the verse for today where David fasted. David fasted out of grief. The next section we see David praying to the Lord. As, hopefully, is clear by now, fasting and prayer go hand in hand from the biblical perspective. David also referenced his enemies being “those who sit in the gate.” This is talking about government officials, likely judges, who also were enemies to David.

There can be little doubt at this point in our own country that vast swaths of the government, including some judges, are enemies to Christ, and therefore to all of those who follow Christ. This too is all right. David knew this truth as well and we can see that by looking at Psalm 103 which is a psalm of praise. Including praising God for His sovereignty in verse 19. People can hate Christ, they can hate you, they can hate me. The Lord’s throne and dominion have already been established. Nothing the wicked forces do can alter God’s ordained plan. “The Lord has established his throne in the heavens, and his kingdom rules over all.”

I am not a medical professional. This journal is about my spiritual path and about that which the Lord has placed on me. This is not medical advice, nor was this fast done for any medical purpose. If you have a medical interest, seek medical advice. If you have particular health concerns, seek medical advice and/or conduct your own research. Any fasting advice, effects, realizations or anything else related to my fast come from my personal reflection and experience. If you are considering fasting, consulting with a healthcare provider may be appropriate for you.